Okay I realize that it has been WAY to long since I last posted, but to my defense I’ve been busy, very busy, doing some stuff that involves a bunch of people and we all wear the same thing. I started a new job that came with a promotion of sorts and since I can’t really say what it is I do and who it is that I work for and all I can say really, is that I’m busy. And contrary to popular belief I’m not dead, at least I don’t think so and if I am I never got the memo, which proves to you the effectiveness of my own bureaucracy. And seeing as I didn’t get the memo I was in charge of writing about myself, I must say I’m not very good at running me, I may just have to fire me and look for someone else, maybe I’ll ask me to write me a good reference. But I think not, I’m kind of lazy.
Moving right along. If you’re like me and I hope your not cause as you see we’re not that good of a typist and why do we have to read our own thoughts? Alright stop we’re not going to do this anymore. Really, stop the shenanigans!
Since we’re on the topic of shenanigans, let’s dispel some of those shenanigans right now. For starters my Ipod really likes Pink Floyd! No matter how many of their songs I delete and no matter how many songs I have on there LEGALLY (for all you record companies out there), Mr. Ipod (for the record if I don’t call my Ipod “Mr.” he gets all sassy, he’s in to manners), Mr. Ipod always seems to play Pink Floyd. I have like…hold on I’m looking…13 G’s worth of music which is about 3K songs. And every 5th song is by Pink Floyd. Its so bad someone came up to me the other day and asked if I was “depressed or high”, then I said “no” on both accounts, then they reply “is it because you not high”! Seriously, I’m not making this up! Then I retorted with “why do you think I’m depressed and or tinkering with illegal substances?” “Well because people who listen to a lot of Pink Floyd are often depressed or high all the time. Do you have the munchies?” “For starters I didn’t decide to play all this Pink Floyd, Mr. Ipod did and yes I am hungry.”
Then this guy gives me a blueberry poptart and walks off! I wish I made this up because I could morally justify what happened as pure fiction, but I can’t and for starters NO ONE gives out blueberry Poptarts to people they like, no one. Blueberry Poptarts are reserved for an arch nemesis of some kind or for people in prison. Blueberry Poptarts are on the bottom totem pole of the manufactured foods, bellow Twinkies, below fruit cake, and WAY bellow those things…Peeps! Fatty chicken heart attack shaped lumps of sugar! I’m pretty sure Blueberry Poptarts and Peeps are what they serve in hell. At first you like “ah it’s not that bad, for hell”. Then you learn the truth that Blueberry Poptarts are made from all the left over pieces and parts from the legitimate Poptarts, the ones people actually like. So they’re the lips and hooves of processed foods! Wars have been fought over who had to eat the Blueberry Poptarts, you ever heard of the War of the Roses. It was fought way back in the day in England, well it wasn’t over a misunderstanding between the House of Lancaster and the House of York, no no no! Blueberry Poptarts! Yup, for starters those of you who just read that are like “Dawm, Pho Shizzle! Medieval hiztory up in this hizzy!” Yeah, that’s how I role, you laugh, then you learn something or you just stop reading!
Secondly, I believe that Blueberries are the most hated berry in all the land! Name one berry that you don’t get super sick just waking around and eating where ever you find them! You can’t because all other berries are like “Hey bro, I’m here for you, eat me I’m delicious! Now go wash your hands, I was on the sidewalk.” See wasn’t that nice. The Blueberry is like “OH HELL NO! Don’t put me in your mouth, you better stop! Ah well don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Blueberries are only good in one thing muffins! Yes, they have to be surrounded by warmth and goodness to taste good and even then you still know some where in yourself subconscious that something is wrong. You just can’t put your finger on it, but it’s the Blueberries! They’re the little daemon smurf beasts of the berry world. So remember that before you reach for the lips and hooves of the poptart world, because sure they’re filled with what you think is good wholesome Smurfyness, but it’s actually something else…something worse. (Shudder)
